In 2015, I had to take a semester off of college because of financial insecurity. Afortunadamente, I got back in my studies the following
summer semester, and I didn’t get too comfortable with the lack of academic responsibilities. This year, I find myself again in the same boat but with a different hole.
2017 was been a trying year on my family. My siblings and I all have our own personal lives, my parents are divorced, one of them has begun the naturalization process after waiting since 1997, and the other is going to be deported from the country in which he has raised his children and will leave them as well. With the waves of change, both of my parents became financially insecure and so they both reached out to their eldest child though with little desire to do so. I’m the eldest child and also a woman. Being a woman is important because even though in my family’s structure the man has the ultimate deciding influence in family matters, there’s a matriarch. My mother rules the nuclear family, meanwhile my great grandmother is the head of la familia Rodriguez Zepeda. Now, as the eldest I am responsible over my siblings and the enforcer of my parents’ expectations. I’m very thankful that the expectations my parents expect me to fulfill have not tarnished the relationships I have with my siblings.
The second born child of my mother is a boy, and he is growing into his role rather well. When our parents and I are not taking charge, he has learned to think with a cold head and balance the contradicting virtues of our conservative family and the pop culture of the time. I am very proud of him, but he is not the eldest and therefore will not assume the responsibilities of maintaining the structure of our nuclear family aside from our developing lives. That’s why my parents, when they have to, call out to me. With the turmoil of this year, I have endured a depletion of stable funds for the benefit of my parents and youngest siblings. This has in turn affected my own financial security and taken some of my focus off of my studies. Throughout the last half of 2017, I received a good deal of understanding from my fellow classmates over my actions but not much support. Which is understandable because of the idea that I shouldn’t “light myself on fire to keep somebody else warm;” however, why should I and how can I desert my parents during their time of need?
I understand that there are differing views about parents’ privileges and children’s debt but I would like to explain my experience as a first generation Mexican-American that sustains my parents’ conservative customs. With the divorce of my parents, I have started to become the ruling party in my nuclear family. My mother now runs family matters by me first before stating her claims and opinions, and my siblings reach out to me sometimes when making big decisions in their own lives that would affect the whole. I am very honored to have this status and I try to “swing my weight” the least I can possible. I have found that the less directly involved I am in family matters, the more my thoughts matter and the farther they carry. I have a duty to care for the well-being of the family. Too often though, my duty to family sometimes bumps heads with my responsibility to my education.
Due to a lot, and I mean bastante café, I finished my fall semester with a hopeful gpa that’ll only get higher by the end of my final semester at Tulsa Community College before transferring to Oklahoma State University. I’m very grateful I didn’t have to forfeit another semester due to financial insecurity. But if I did, I wouldn’t be nothing more than saddened by the prospect.
La educación, my mom would say, is a privilegio. No un regalo. Not a gift. And based on my fortune of being raised in poor neighborhoods, I grew up seeing the ability to assist your family is a blessing many cannot afford. I do not value my education less than my family and I do not believe it’s worth less of my time and commitment. Far from it really. I believe, la educación is the greatest gift and grandest currency society has to offer me. However, I owe a duty to mi familia. Meanwhile, la educación, is a privilege and a responsibility.
I decided to write about this because even though other Mexican-Americans live a different life than mine, I have met many professors and guidance counselors that would like to have more of an insight as to how their students view their academic and personal responsibilities. To be more of a general help, I want to share with you a popular proverbio from Mexico.
There once was an old man who had worked very hard in the fields to give his child an education. His wife washed clothing to maintain the house. With sweat and love, both parents toiled until their son was able to graduate from a prestigious university. At seventy-years-old, the old man’s wife died and he found himself alone and full of memories. He went to his successful son’s home and asked him if he could stay with him but he didn’t want to be a bother nor affect his son’s family’s life. The grown and married son told the old man that he didn’t know where he could stay without disrupting his family’s life. He couldn’t take his children out of their rooms and he could most certainly not bother his demanding wife. The son offered the old man a hammock out on the veranda and he accepted. Grateful to no longer be alone, the old man did not mind sleeping outside in a hammock.
The grown son called for his own child and asked him to bring his grandfather a blanket for the night.
-With pleasure papá… Where will he be staying?
-On the veranda. He doesn’t want to bother us.
The boy went to get the blanket and after waiting for his return, his father went looking for him. He found the boy cutting a thick and heavy blanket in half.
-What are you doing? Why are you cutting your grandfather’s blanket?
-I am cutting the blanket so you will have something to keep you warm when you come to live with me.
The old man’s son then took his father into the house and gave him a bed, a blanket, and place to sit at the dinner table.
This proverb has many different versions, but they all center around the educated child, the old parent, and the future generation.
With mucho mucho amor,
Tulsa’s Tapatia
Un Café. Better Make That Two. 